Durham, NC—The date is October 12, 2020. Time: 4:00 AM. Vincent Price is woken up by the buzzing of his phone. He picks it up. A voice quivers on the other end of the line.
“Sir, we have a situation down at the Duke OIT headquarters. It’s the SymMon app. It’s... well...umm...”
“Just spit it out goddamnit!” growls Price.
“It appears students have been completing their daily SymMon... without performing a detailed self evaluation of their current health.”
A moment passes before Price responds.
“Let me see if I can get this right. You’re telling me, students are habitually choosing the same three options everyday because submitting anything else would be a major inconvenience?”
“Y-yes.” the other voice responds.
Price takes a minute to process what he’s heard.
“Ready my jet. I’ll be on campus in five minutes. Also you’re fired” says Price.
“Of course my liege.”
Price hangs up.
What you have just read is a word-for-word recount of a phone call between President Vincent Price and the former head of Duke OIT Marcus Succerberg, and by former we mean he’s dead. Since then, the SymMon app has been pulled from the app store and the Duke team of software engineers behind the app will be appearing before Congress on the 25th of October. Until then, we wait.
Price is here... ok blockade the doors I just have to finish this article be... what do you mean there’s a red dot on my foreeiuhgeoirgoie89778erhrgi.