Chevron intern promises to solve climate change from the inside

HOUSTON, TX—When junior Pita Davidson was looking for a way to help fight the climate crisis, he looked to none other than one of the largest oil companies in the world, Chevron, to contribute his talents.


“My sole purpose there is to bring their whole corrupt oil business down and use their wealth to build more green energy,” says Davidson, whose idealistic dream of developing green technologies to turn the climate-denying behemoth into a clean energy company will be utterly crushed once he realizes Chevron will just use his solar inventions to power more oil rigs.


It was said that over time Davidson slowly gave up his attempt to challenge the company. The prestige of working for a large corporation on a cool-sounding topic overtook his awareness that the company, which consistently lied about global warming, surprisingly only wanted to use measly investments in new technologies to greenwash their brand image, all while increasing carbon emissions.


When asked about what he had learned from his internship, Davidson praised the company for how many (junk) carbon offsets they bought and how they created millions of jobs.




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