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"Christian Girl Autumn" bashed for discrimination, replaced with ‘Non-denominational Person Harvest’



DURHAM, N.C.—The internet trend known as “Christian Girl Autumn” will no longer be celebrated at Duke University due to discrimination, according to an announcement by President Vincent Price. Instead, it will be replaced with what he calls “Non-denominational Person Harvest.”


This announcement was made last night via a campus-wide email sent out by Price. In it, he declared a war on discrimination, reassuring students that “anyone, regardless of faith or gender, will be able to drink pumpkin spice lattes and post festive photoshoots on Instagram without any fear of being ostracized.”


Many students have expressed confusion over Price’s intentions. Jacob Diab (P ‘27), who is neither Christian nor a girl, contemplated whether the change was even necessary. “Wait, does he think we can’t order pumpkin spice,” Diab asked.


Price also sent another email to every Duke student group, asking for their support of Non-denominational Person Harvest. Many student group members who received the emails described them as “a little desperate” and “vaguely threatening”. One group was even sent seven consecutive emails from Price’s personal Gmail account. 


“I didn’t even know he emailed us until a member told me,” said Layla Jensen, president of DukeLIFE, a student group that supports low-income, first-generation students. “I started sending all of Price’s emails directly to spam ever since he tried to ask for our support after publicly defending legacy admissions last month.” 


The email, titled “Operation: Stay Relevant,” is only the first step in Price’s new administrative campaign. He threatens promises more to come in the following weeks. “This is about addressing a real issue that is hurting many communities,” he wrote in the email. “It doesn’t have anything to do with my latest thirst trap not breaking 50 likes.”

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