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Club Fishing investigated after Key Member of Duke Swim goes Missing




DURHAM, NC – Duke Club Fishing’s president Derek Droughning (‘24) has recently become the prime suspect in the disappearance of Mina Ferrera (‘25), star backstroker on Duke’s Swim and Dive team. At approximately three p.m. this past Wednesday, Droughning was confronted by a Duke University Police Officer while practicing casting in his dorm. Droughning claims his first thought was that someone had beaten his trout record, saying “I landed a big one last autumn with my lucky pole, and after that every schmuck with a pole has been gunning for my number one spot.” 


Ferrera was last seen swimming laps around the Gross Hall lake, a regular occurrence for Ferrera who reportedly enjoys places far from the public eye and who has a fascination with waterborne parasites. When the area was searched following her disappearance, all authorities could find at the scene were broken goggles, a really big net, and Droughning’s lucky pole.


Droughning claims his arrest and pending trial are entirely unsubstantiated. Currently, the evidence against the Club president is a receipt for high-strength fishing line and jumbo gummy worms – Ferrera’s favorite food. When searching his room, DUPD also found that the comical talking bass plaque above Droughning’s bed had been reprogrammed to emit what they describe as “a Siren’s call.” 


“People act like I’m some sort of monster, like I enjoy hunting defenseless creatures or something,” Droughning stated in an interview. “For God’s sake, I catch and release,” asserts Droughning, chomping down on a homemade fish stick. He goes further, stating that he himself may be the victim: “I’ve been getting all these phishing emails since…the incident.” He does contend, however, that his Tinder options have drastically  increased in attractiveness, so maybe not all is bad.


The prosecution claims that due to Duke Club Fishing’s dismal record this season, Droughning’s motivation for the crime may be to use Ferrera’s diving and swimming capabilities to manually catch fish for the club. Droughning’s response was simply that he hoped the jury wouldn’t buy the prosecution’s story “hook, line, and sinker.”

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