DURHAM, NC—The North Carolina DMV has taken a massive stride in championing the LGBTQ+ cause. “Honestly, this is the next Stonewall,” said Carter Cleeves, representative for the NC Division of Motor Vehicles. “After years of closeted cars, people can now express their true selves on the road.” Vanity plates such as “GAYPRIDE,” “QUEER,” and “RAMRANCH'' are legal for the first time.
However, being out behind the wheel has come with a slight caveat. Recently, North Carolina’s government enacted a total ban on marriage between same-sex couples. “We are doing the best we can,” said an anonymous lawmaker. “We want to do all we can to represent these people, while also protecting the sanctity of marriage.” When asked about his recent affair, said lawmaker declined to comment.
Many people have been outraged by the DMV’s decision, with critics calling it “pointless” and “performative.” Carter Cleeves, however, had a defense of the DMV’s stance. “More people will see your license plate than your wedding ring.” Thanks to the DMV’s radically progressive actions, millions of North Carolinians will have a chance to proclaim their sexual orientation to other drivers, pedestrians, and police databases. Hate crime experts see no possible way this could go wrong.