DURHAM, NC—With no clear end in sight to the coronavirus pandemic, many students fear that they won’t be able to travel abroad next semester as they once hoped. In response, Duke has approved a pilot study a broad program that everyone can, has, and will participate in: your mom. With a five-star rating and over 3 billion reviews on TripAdvisor, your mom remains the most highly recommended destination for tourists worldwide. Were you looking to expand your horizons? Well no one has wider horizons that your mom and her fat ass. Hoping to see some exotic wildlife? Sources say your mom is banned from zoos because she makes the hippos jealous. With only an up front fee of $4.00 (cash only), your mom will be Duke’s cheapest program in history. And for those students staying on campus, don’t worry, as Executive Vice President Tallman Trask III has also announced they will be adding your sister’s OnlyFans to Duke’s included subscription services.
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