Duke renames Tallman Trask III "Black Lives Matter III" as new anti-racism initiative


DURHAM, NC—Following in the footsteps of organizations who have changed their previously racist names, President Price announced today that he will rename Tallman Trask III after the BLM movement. The Fluke News (TFN) talked to the new face of Duke’s anti-racism commitment (BLM III) to learn more about the thinking that motivated the groundbreaking action.


TFN: Tell us a little about why the Duke leadership settled on changing your name to help fight racism.


BLM III: When President Price talked about “personal transformation” in his statement to combat racism in the Duke community, all eyes immediately turned towards me. I’m not sure why?


At first I was not quite on board with changing my name, so initially I suggested painting my Porsche black or getting a tattoo of “Justice for Ahmaud” on my butt cheek instead. But Vincent was really adamant on meaningful action, so what better way to root out systemic racism than to symbolically rename the person who once crashed a Porsche into a Black worker and then called her the n-word?


TFN: What were the concrete steps you took to actually change your name?


BLM III: It was quite the process. I had to file an application with the courts, show proof of residence, submit a criminal history record check, AND change my driver’s license and SSN.


Those were the easy parts. I also had to have two citizens file a proof of good character, which was difficult given...my past. Thankfully my old friends Larry Moneta and Megan Neely stepped up to the plate. Not to mention all that time and effort spent changing my name could have gone to more productive things like killing off another light rail project or gentrifying another Black neighborhood.


TFN: How has life changed for you since the name change?


BLM III: There has been some confusion about what to call me. People aren’t sure if they should call me “BLM” or “Black Lives” or just “Black." Truthfully, it’s been frustrating having to explain how my name is pronounced, but I guess that’s just the cost of being cultured.


Aside from that, the name change has made me feel better about myself; I almost feel like I am now one with the Black community. I now have unlimited free n-word passes, and I even looted at the last BLM protest for the hell of it! Though it was a little awkward when the Black protestor behind me was arrested for my looting.


TFN: What’s the next step for you and Duke in terms of effective anti-racist policy?


BLM III: Well now that I truly understand what it’s like to be Black, I know exactly what Black people need next—that’s why I am vigorously advocating for Duke to paint “Black Lives Matter” on Chapel Drive, I think that is going to be the key to ending racism on Duke’s campus.


In other news, Price has unveiled another part of his anti-racism initiative: directing DUPD to start handing out “Defund the Police” bumper stickers to students.