DURHAM, NC—A recent Duke study conducted by Dr. Pyotr McAdams has revealed a novel form of colorblindness that prevents the afflicted from seeing non-pastel colors, primarily affecting fraternity brothers.
Dr. McAdams, of the award-winning McAdams lab for Ocular and Sartorial Impairment, praised the study’s methodology and results, calling it a “breakthrough in the way we consider and treat the devastating condition known colloquially as ‘being a brother.’”
“It’s debilitating,” commented diseased Delta Sigma junior Ted Peterson, who was wearing a phlegm-green sweatshirt. “My roommate keeps telling me that my closet is filled with perfectly good non-pastel clothes, but I literally can’t see what he’s talking about.”
McAdams' says his future research will look into other correlated and contagious fraternity diseases, such as mistreating women and alcoholism.