The Fluke News Staff
Aww! Guy in ethics class will order drone strikes one day
DURHAM, N.C—By all accounts, Jonathan Fields (T ’24) is an active and enthusiastic participant in Duke’s Human Rights Advocacy course,...
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The Fluke News Staff
- Oct 25
- 2 min
Duke lookalikes club disbands after no one can tell who the real president is
DURHAM, NC — Chaos has broken out within Duke’s premiere uncanny resemblance student organization after the true identity of President...
The Fluke News Staff
- Oct 25
- 1 min
The most annoying person you know just discovered Fred Again, decided DJing is his passion <3
WILSON GYM—Corporate America is tough, and as James (T’26) walks into Wilson to clock in for his self-proclaimed “eight-hour leg day” he...
The Fluke News Staff
- Mar 9
- 1 min
“I love fossil dating:” Archeologists, Sugar Babies Bond Over Shared Interest
NEW ORLEANS, LA—Hotel staffers hosting the annual Fossil Dating Convention sponsored by the Archeological Institute of America (AIA) were...
The Fluke News Staff
- Feb 26
- 2 min
Slay! This female serial killer murders small children and big stereotypes
LAS VEGAS, NV—A new serial killer in the Las Vegas area is drawing heavy media attention. Lacey Gray, 34, has allegedly murdered 16 young...
The Fluke News Staff
- Feb 22
- 1 min
“Pssst… Hey! You should eat with me until my friend comes,” student desperately whispers to spider
BRODHEAD CENTER—Pathetic little ratperson Cam Emerson (Trinity ‘25) sat alone outside Il Forno eating their soggy Sazon bowl for almost...
The Fluke News Staff
- Feb 22
- 1 min
“I’m not gay,” and other lies European Men will tell to get into your pants
DURHAM, NC –– We’ve all met him. That impeccably dressed, dark-haired stud. His presence smells like the cigarette and croissant he had...
The Fluke News Staff
- Oct 19, 2022
- 1 min
Bitter Long Distance Partner Thumbs Up "I love you" Message
DURHAM, NC—A lonely night in Duke University’s Few Quad just got lonelier as sophomore Jessica Parker (Trinity ‘25) received a frigid...
The Fluke News Staff
- Oct 19, 2022
- 2 min
Short Friends are the New Lap Dogs: How to Get One and Keep Them Happy
DURHAM, NC—As the leaves fall, temperatures drop, and Christian Girl Autumn fits are liberated from the closet, people are flocking to...
The Fluke News Staff
- Oct 19, 2022
- 1 min
Local dead woman worries her murder wasn’t podcast-worthy
NEW YORK, N.Y.—This past week, 26-year-old Amaya Jacobs was found murdered in a less-gentrified part of the city. Police say the suspect...
The Fluke News Staff
- Oct 19, 2022
- 1 min
SNU to look at familial assets instead of bands for party access
HAMPTONS, NY—Each blossoming school year brings with it the sweet promise of a more refined Duke. For SNU President William McKinsey,...
The Fluke News Staff
- Oct 7, 2022
- 2 min
Elephant really tired of being only one addressed in the room
PERKINS LIBRARY—For a student, becoming an elephant may seem advantageous, what with the personal trunk and ability to never forget. But...
The Fluke News Staff
- Oct 7, 2022
- 1 min
Fraternity vows to reach carbon neutrality in response to hurricane canceling darty
DURHAM, NC––Hurricane Ian recently swept its way up the East coast, wrecking houses, property and people. The aforementioned victims,...
The Fluke News Staff
- Apr 13, 2022
- 1 min
Tik Tok set to release all drafts by noon
THE UNITED STATES—According to TikTok CEOs Kevin A. Mayer and Zhang Yiming, all drafts are set to be released at noon today. Every...
The Fluke News Staff
- Apr 11, 2022
- 1 min
“Only in New York” says person who’s lived in New York for two days
NEW YORK, N.Y.—After witnessing a homeless man politely asking for spare change—a common occurrence in any populated area of the United...
The Fluke News Staff
- Apr 11, 2022
- 1 min
"For $200, I'll paint my nails," says man who's very comfortable with his masculinity
DURHAM, NC– In a stunning display of courage, [name redacted because their parents threatened to sue] Fraternity hosted an event to raise...
The Fluke News Staff
- Apr 8, 2022
- 1 min
5 Strategies to Get Better in Bed: Sleep with Other Men for Practice
“Babe, you have to understand, I slept with her for you!” Too often do girls hear these words from their faithful, loving, handsome...
The Fluke News Staff
- Feb 14, 2022
- 1 min
It’s not a “self-care” day, you’re just single
DURHAM, NC—Isabel Solita (Trinity ‘25) got a manicure, put on an avocado sheet mask, and thought to herself—why am I so desperately...
The Fluke News Staff
- Jan 30, 2022
- 1 min
How to get you and your mom tickets to the Sigma Freud mixer
THE BARN—You’ve heard about it everywhere. From your lab partners to strangers in the line of shooters, even the geeds are talking about...
The Fluke News Staff
- Sep 27, 2021
- 1 min
In desperate last-ditch attempt to get laid, man paints nails black
DURHAM, NC—“I’ve tried everything,” sighed Michael James (T’ 23). Michael, who has even worn five-inch inseam shorts in an attempt to...
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