The Fluke News Staff
Tik Tok set to release all drafts by noon
THE UNITED STATES—According to TikTok CEOs Kevin A. Mayer and Zhang Yiming, all drafts are set to be released at noon today. Every...
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The Fluke News Staff
- Apr 11
- 1 min
“Only in New York” says person who’s lived in New York for two days
NEW YORK, N.Y.—After witnessing a homeless man politely asking for spare change—a common occurrence in any populated area of the United...
The Fluke News Staff
- Apr 11
- 1 min
"For $200, I'll paint my nails," says man who's very comfortable with his masculinity
DURHAM, NC– In a stunning display of courage, [name redacted because their parents threatened to sue] Fraternity hosted an event to raise...
The Fluke News Staff
- Apr 8
- 1 min
5 Strategies to Get Better in Bed: Sleep with Other Men for Practice
“Babe, you have to understand, I slept with her for you!” Too often do girls hear these words from their faithful, loving, handsome...
The Fluke News Staff
- Feb 14
- 1 min
It’s not a “self-care” day, you’re just single
DURHAM, NC—Isabel Solita (Trinity ‘25) got a manicure, put on an avocado sheet mask, and thought to herself—why am I so desperately...
The Fluke News Staff
- Jan 30
- 1 min
How to get you and your mom tickets to the Sigma Freud mixer
THE BARN—You’ve heard about it everywhere. From your lab partners to strangers in the line of shooters, even the geeds are talking about...
The Fluke News Staff
- Nov 14, 2021
- 2 min
ATO throws party, everyone feels safe, has fun
DURHAM, NC—Duke’s Alpha Tau Omega fraternity threw a party this weekend, and it was everything we’ve come to expect from one of their...
The Fluke News Staff
- Sep 27, 2021
- 1 min
In desperate last-ditch attempt to get laid, man paints nails black
DURHAM, NC—“I’ve tried everything,” sighed Michael James (T’ 23). Michael, who has even worn five-inch inseam shorts in an attempt to...
The Fluke News Staff
- Sep 22, 2021
- 2 min
“I found my people,” explains girl who changed her entire personality to fit in over zoom
DURHAM, NC—For Lauren Ziebler (Trinity ‘24), Bid Day provided a new home. “Even though I’d already met half of the sisters at Devine’s...
The Fluke News Staff
- Apr 18, 2021
- 1 min
Rapper Flo Centi knew she should have dreamed bigger with her name
Staring wistfully out the window in her Atlanta home, local rapper Flo Centi sighed deeply as she placed her head into her hands. “I knew...
The Fluke News Staff
- Apr 18, 2021
- 1 min
How to use dating apps when you hate any photo a man chooses of himself
DURHAM, NC—Have you seen too many pictures that are more fish than man? Are you starting to think cargo pants might not be so bad? Do you...
The Fluke News Staff
- Mar 30, 2021
- 1 min
After watching “MONTERO” video, this heterosexual, women-loving Cru member has faith crisis
DURHAM, NC—Following a mention of the new Lil Nas X music video from his preacher, local cru member Jake had to see what all of the fuss...
The Fluke News Staff
- Feb 14, 2021
- 2 min
In honor of Black History Month, sororities' rush themes to include "hip-hop" and "ACAB" days
HOLLOWS A—A sorority sister wearing a “Systemic racism sucks” shirt and earrings reading “White solidarity” opens the door as “Sicko...
The Fluke News Staff
- Feb 14, 2021
- 2 min
Greek life asks all rushees to use "tú" in place of "usted" during informal rush
DURHAM, NC — This week, the Fluke News obtained an email sent out to male-identifying freshmen and sophomores about Greek Life’s informal...
The Fluke News Staff
- Feb 6, 2021
- 3 min
The Fluke News Exclusive Interview with UNCVirginity
The University of North Carolina is ranked as one of the nation’s top schools in sending students home. However, UNC is currently...
The Fluke News Staff
- Oct 9, 2020
- 2 min
Profile: Meet the Frat Boy who pledges to reform KKK from within
Charles “Charlie” Moran, 18, sits down at the interview in a casual, crystalline white hoodie and what appears to be an upside-down Cross...
The Fluke News Staff
- Sep 14, 2020
- 2 min
The Great Equalizer: Ugly people in masks can now flirt with attractive people
THE UNITED STATES—All across our great nation, the lower class is rejoicing. The widespread expectation of masks has allowed for the...
The Fluke News Staff
- Jun 17, 2020
- 2 min
Asian mom breaks silence on anti-black racism: "You know I had it hard too, right?"
BAY AREA, CA—The recent protests on police brutality and anti-black racism have sparked many discussions in households across the...
The Fluke News Staff
- Feb 25, 2020
- 1 min
PASH hosts session to pleasure you like your man never could
CLASSROOM BUILDING, EAST CAMPUS–Last Tuesday, PASH hosted a successful session to pleasure you like your man never could. In an attempt...
The Fluke News Staff
- Feb 25, 2020
- 1 min
Pokemon Club most diverse on campus, has 807 different types
DURHAM, NC–In the war against tokenism, there is no braver soldier than Pikachu. The Duke Pokemon Club has proudly announced that they’ve...