Fluke Investigates: ABP Aux


AU BON PAIN—It’s 10:30 AM on a Tuesday, I’m hungover from spending Monday night drinking to forget my public policy assignments. I stumble through the glass doors of WU, the only thing that can quell my lingering headache is a Good Egg sandwich from Au Bon Pain and then I hear it. My poor, innocent ears were violated (or blessed?) by Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion’s new song, WAP. It begs the question, who is on the aux at ABP?


I started at the root of the source, ABP. “What? Oh the music? That’s just a playlist,” said Jenna Davis from behind the counter. Why were they lying to me? I couldn’t let my journalistic standards be tainted, so I continued digging.


After days of searching, I finally found the aux cord attached to a computer in the backroom. What was on the computer, you ask? A playlist obviously made as a decoy to throw me off the scent. Touche, Au Bon Pain, touche. I’ll be waiting for your next move, you have not seen the last of me.


Next week on The Fluke Investigates: “Why did one of our writers leave a mysterious note on an ABP order saying that he dropped out?”