DURHAM, NC—Have you seen too many pictures that are more fish than man? Are you starting to think cargo pants might not be so bad? Do you despise the smug look in a man’s eye when he knows someone is taking a photo of him? If you said yes to any of these, this step-by-step Fluke News guide to dating apps has got you covered. By the end of this article, you’ll be channeling your contempt for pathetic little men into passion in your search for Mr. Right.
1. Cover the top half of your screen with some tape. If his bio doesn’t blatantly imply that he views women as social currency, you found a gem!
2. Only look for matches when there’s a group of several insecure men huddled around you and your phone. It’s a pretty obvious tip, but one we often forget. It can really lower your standards to hear a group of men whine, “come on! That guy wasn’t so bad!” as you swipe left.
3. If his profile is all mirror pictures, ask him why he doesn’t have any friends. This is just a good time-waster.
4. Keep in mind that Shooters just opened. At Shooters, you can get everything you want out of Tinder without really having to know what the guy looks like.
5. Look into bisexuality. There are bisexuals all around us these days, and they only have to date men half as often! (I think.)