ICE Agents Accidentally Detain Marco Rubio
- 7 days ago
- 2 min read
Immigrant and Customs Enforcement reportedly arrested and detained Marco Rubio yesterday afternoon. Here’s what we know:
Upon flying back to his hometown of Miami, Secretary of State Marco Rubio was inadvertently detained by ICE officers while shopping at the Dolphin Mall — a local hub. Eyewitnesses saw Rubio lurking in the Bath and Body Works at around noon, and the arrest took place just a few minutes later when he exited, sporting his newly repurchased and well-known signature scent: Pink Pineapple Sunrise.
Rubio released a public statement about the situation on X, and to everyone’s surprise, he applauded the officers’ dedication.
Since the statement’s release, eyes have turned to the White House for acknowledgement of the error, but it’s been radio silence from President Donald Trump. However, an inside Fluke source was able to secure key insight into his current headspace.
Trump commented on the growing stress of the thickening web of international interventions and domestic immigration policies, explaining that he felt “too overstimmied to even open Twitter, I mean X.”
“My schedule has been extremely stressful. I wake up, I’m given limited time to decide between my favorite civilian missile targets, I only have two hours to hop on the discord with my boyfriends Ben and Kim, and on top of all that, the Department of Homeland Security hasn’t been inviting me to their private jet orgies, so I had to take care of that business, too,” Trump said. “I barely make it into bed in time for JD to tuck me in at 8.”
Though the President has felt caught in the middle of urgent matters from all sides, he reaffirmed his dedication to his immigration crackdown, reporting that it’s his utmost priority — something that’s also backed by the numbers. During just the first 100 days of the second Trump administration, 65,682 immigrants were forcibly removed from the United States. Under the current presidency, the rate of deportations has experienced a >4x increase since the Biden administration. Furthermore, the amount of street arrests have increased tenfold.
Though Rubio’s arrest was a miscarriage of justice, it’s clear that the second Trump administration intends to continue terrorizing the streets, leading by fear until every last shred of passion and individuality is expunged in the name of wealth and power.
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