top of page

In solidarity with freshmen, President Price participates in Turkey Drop

DEVIL’S KRAFTHOUSE–The Fluke News is thrilled and surprised to announce that an anonymous source (Theo John) has confirmed President Price has done a little hanky panky with a grad student. Our source tells us “we don’t know how far they went- it was definitely more than just hand stuff. Probably second base”. This grad student has been described as a “theta 8” but a “pi phi 5” and reportedly is in possession of the elusive yet mystical they/them pussy

President Price declined to comment after paying the ultimate price—his marriage. However, we would imagine that he would say something like: “Engaging in physically intimate sexual relations with that grad student was so fun, wish i wasn’t getting divorced”

Nick McDonalds (T’25) commented, “I also cheated on my girlfriend. She got so mad at me and it hurt my feelings. President Price is really the kind of guy that relates to his students, mad respect.”

Price reportedly said, “We broke up but I think we’ll hook up over winter break.”



bottom of page