New Five Dollar Deal is just Five Sazón Beans

DURHAM, NC—In response to student complaints about campus dining raising prices for smaller portions, Duke Dining administrators have announced a new five dollar deal option: Five Sazón Beans.

The Duke University Student Dining Advisory Committee (DUSDAC), an organization representing student interests in Duke Dining decisions, released a statement regarding the change. “We are excited to offer a new option for students, and continue our commitment to getting rid of all the fat kids.” Daily Devil Deals are small “portions” that cost “$5” and are “available” at vendors across campus.

Sadly, many students have felt that this new offer has not lived up to its promise. DUSDAC President Aidan Galdea, a senior, brought forth complaints from students already experiencing a decrease in their Daily Devil Deals’ serving sizes, from five beans to four.

When asked to comment, Robert Coffrey, executive director of Duke Dining, did not respond verbally; however, Coffrey did spit in the writer's hand and only agreed to leave upon receiving a crisp five dollar bill.


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