Let’s be honest: this is getting ridiculous. First I had to fill out the registration form, then I had to have the girl from Keohane 4D mail it for me, and now you’re telling me I have to make a plan to vote? If this election stuff is too complicated for me, a smart and woke Duke student, we have to consider the regular people, too. It’s time we replace the election with a streamlined, universally accessible alternative: an Instagram poll.
I’ve already seen the white girls from my high school who bullied people put them on their stories! Truly, I’ve never felt more safe or reassured than when Sarah from AP Psych posted “no judgement, just curious: Biden or Trump?”
If they could take the time from the pyramid schemes they joined immediately after graduation to encourage civic engagement, then surely the government could do the same. Maybe a widely recognized and universally respected political figure could post it, so everyone would know where to vote, such as Dua Lipa, or me.
Instagram polls also have the advantage of providing helpful statistics, such as how many people voted for each choice. It would eliminate the messiness of the electoral college, and people could simply swipe up to vote for a third party. We would even be saving the environment by not having to print out mail-in ballots.
I know what you’re thinking: but what about all the other elections? For the less relevant ones, like the Senate, perhaps we could use a Google form. Or maybe a Qualtrics survey?