Opinion: Guys, I’m sooooo drunk


SHOOTERS II — You may see me at Shooters right now, and you may be intimidated by my sloppy dancing and rowdy behavior. You may have wondered, why is his speech so slurred? Well, believe it or not guys, I am, like, sooooo drunk right now.


The truth is, I don’t do this that often. When I went out last semester I could handle my liquor way better. But I haven’t drank much this semester, so a few beers threw me over the line. Needless to say, I’m super wasted at the moment.


Gosh, can you hear me screaming along to this Katy Perry song? I’m normally so reserved, but I can feel some vomit coming up, so what the hell! Did I mention my crippling insecurities?


Someone is going to have to help me get home tonight. I can, like, barely walk.

Excuse me now, please, as I go makeout with a dude. I’m super messed up so it doesn’t count.