K-VILLE—Like many Duke students, I am a bit apprehensive about tonight’s pee-checks. Truly, I don’t get it: why do the line monitors need to check my pee? Is it a power thing? Do the line monitors enjoy my degradation?
Why is this event something we all agree to? Line monitors forcing us to pee into a cup like livestock or old people, all simply to get into a single basketball game.
I have every right to be a little nervous about having my urine examined by a line monitor. What if they notice how dehydrated I always am? I try to keep my pee the prescribed shade of clear to pale yellow, but it gets rough out there: we’re losing good water bottles by the day.
On the other hand, I know that some people are looking forward to pee-checks. I’d like to remind these students that the line monitors are not trained urologists. If your pee is off color or burns as it comes out, see a doctor, not some student with a line monitor jacket.
In the end, though, no matter how invasive the pee-check, I’m willing to do it for my tent. We’ve laughed, cried, and slept together for weeks now. If getting into the Duke-UNC game requires my urine, then my urine I shall give to the cause. It’s what Zion would want.