Pike gets full five stars on Rate My Aggressor

DURHAM, NC—The brothers of Pi Kappa Alpha at Duke have finally been recognized for their constant commitment and hard work. After years of striving for the perfect rating, the fraternity has finally achieved a full-5 star average on Rate My Aggressor.


“This is gonna help us crush mad poon, bro. Couldn’t be more stoked. Great for the ladies to know what’s up,” said Pike President Daniel Rample (Trinity ‘24) in an interview with reporter Jessica Polst (Pratt ‘25). Rample also told us that the atmosphere around the fraternity is “electric,” and they couldn’t be more excited about their future.


Now that they’ve achieved perfect marks, the brothers are kicking out all members without trust funds, aiming for 5 stars on Rate My Successor.





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