DURHAM, NC—You touched these guys?
Pillows, puppies, peaches, these things all have one thing in common—they start with “p.” Sophomores? Not so much.
The people, they get mad at me when I walk around campus with my big stick and poke them. Why? Is it my fault that they are so stick-like themselves? Do they loathe the touch of their own kind? Perhaps if they were more plush they would not feel such a sting.
“I am stupid and could be used as a drill bit for mining equipment.” said one sophomore who chose to remain unidentified. “I won’t get lunch with you because I have become emotionally hardened by the terrors of reality.”
I know what you’re thinking— freshmen: are they fresh enough? Let’s put it this way: I certainly wouldn’t put them in my grocery store.