The floor is lava (and by lava we mean a mixture of beer, glitter, and urine)


DURHAM, NC — Multiple Duke fraternities have recently devised a fun twist on 2017’s viral “the floor is lava” game. It’s a trend that’s sweeping the nation: preemptively flooding frat-house floors in a bath of beer, glitter, and pee.


“We thought, ‘our floors are just getting walked all over,’ you know? So we created this layer of liquid that protects the floor and makes it harder to walk around at the same time,” said Michael “Mike” McGuinness of Sigma Epsilon Chi in an interview with The Fluke News. McGuinness is credited with the invention of the trend. He says it’s sparked a similar, frattier movement to the original “floor is lava” challenge.


“The response has been amazing,” McGuinness said. “It’s changed our whole culture. Now our mixers are less about the amount of ass you bring home and more about the amount of time you spend above the floor. Everyone on our exec council can scale the whole house like a lizard.”


“SigEpChi has become my favorite frat,” said acrobatic gymnast Polya Frankovitz. “If you’re the girl with the driest shoes by the end of the night, you can have any guy you want.”


McGuinness explained that brotherly respect in SigEpChi has become inextricably associated with a lack of stickiness. He was recently ousted as the fraternity’s president when a pledge spent an entire party walking on moon shoes.