DURHAM, NC—It is once again that time of year; despite Duke’s best efforts, fraternities and sororities have successfully executed spring rush. Now that rush itself is complete, the wholesome pledging process has begun.
While some fraternities have come under fire for harsh pledging practices in the past, they all insist that they have modernized their traditions in order to avoid hazing and its downsides. As Pledgemaster Will Schuster (Trinity ‘24) said, “We really care about the health and safety of our future brothers, and we would never do anything to intentionally kill them.”
Even the pledges themselves seem to be enjoying the process this year. Speaking to reporters from his bed in the ICU, SNU pledge Sam Grainger (Trinity ‘26) described pledging as “physically taxing and exhausting, but ultimately a good time.”
Grainger was found 40 miles down I-40, missing one of his eyes and a finger. His entire body was badly bruised, with both legs broken in multiple places. He also smelled strangely of antifreeze for reasons still unknown. When asked about his injuries, he had a simple answer.
“I’m the highway pledge. I have to zig-zag back and forth across the highway blindfolded and make it as far as I can before I can’t walk anymore,” said Grainger, “I’m surprised you hadn’t heard of it before, it’s one of the more chill tasks.”
Schuster said that this is about as safe as the traditions could get without losing their value. As he put it, “What else are we gonna put on the wall of severed limbs in the house?”