It’s been days since you’ve gotten back to your parents house, and there’s only so many times you can argue with them about Bernie Sanders. Here are our best activities to keep busy while staying inside:
Try doing a puzzle! They're very relaxing, and at the end you have a beautiful picture. So what if the one piece you’re missing at the end seems to represent your own perpetual failures?
Okay, fuck that shit. You need something that will make you feel alive. See those safety scissors on your childhood desk? Give your hair a little trim! Nothing too drastic, maybe just a shoulder length bob to change it up a bit. It’ll look great on you. Really. No, really.
Nah, the bob wasn’t enough. It’s time to do what every perfectly sane girl does when she’s acting rationally: give yourself bangs. You’ve always wanted to try them, and now’s the perfect time: if they look bad, you can just turn off your camera on zoom – no one needs to know.
So the bangs didn’t work out. You win some, you lose some. But don’t despair! The TikTok lesbians look amazing in their pixie cuts with their eyebrow slits. It’ll look great on you too. And how hard can it be to give yourself a pixie cut? Shorter is easier, right?
Your mom hates your short hair, and she won’t stop asking you how to fix her computer. There’s only one more option here. Shave your goddamn head. I believe in you. Quarantine will last forever, so you might as well.
Learn a new language. With tools like Duolingo, it’s easy to do a little bit every day. You can be fluent by the time international travel starts up again, and with the money you’ve saved by solely eating your parents food, take a trip abroad and show off your edgy new look.
Aaaand there’s the missing puzzle piece, tangled somehow in a snarl of your discarded hair. That’s not an omen of anything. No, really.