DURHAM, NC — Sources confirm that local heartbreaker Mason Cooper’s constant Cup Pong requests, often mistaken for flirtation and actual romantic interest, are not signs that he likes you, he literally just likes to play Cup Pong.
“Mason just kept sending me requests to play Cup Pong,” said Olivia Townson, who has been texting with the sophomore for a few weeks. “When I suggested we grab lunch or something to change it up, he responded with an 8 Ball request.”
When reached for comment, Cooper stared down at his phone. “Sorry, I’m texting this girl Amanda from Chemistry,” he explained. “I’m on my redemption shot with two cups left to hit. Can’t talk.”
At press time, many of Cooper’s heartbroken girls are all deeply invested in a multiplayer Crazy 8’s game to console themselves.