DURHAM, NC—“Wow! I cannot believe Duke isn’t an Ivy! It just looks and feels so much like Princeton,” whispered Ethan Morgenstein in a completely nonchalant and very convincing way to a “peer” in his tour group. Morgenstein, a “prospective undergraduate student,” was enjoying standing on the green, manicured grass, admiring the iconic Duke University Chapel. Others nodded emphatically, noting the very old-looking gothic architecture that must have been built hundreds of years ago!
Other prospective applicants observed the incredibly authentic and unstaged game of spikeball taking place in the middle of Abele Quad. “Wow, they are so athletic and completely unstressed,” said Drew Brown, a high school junior from Westchester County, NY. “I would love to attend a school with such healthy, relaxed students!”
At press time, the “students” playing spike ball had reportedly taken off their Duke sweatshirts and returned them to the Duke Store.