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“You Can Go But You Can Never Leave,” say the Eagles on parking in Blue Zone

PENN PAVILION—As acclaimed American Rock band the Eagles electrified Duke’s student body with an encore of “Heartache Tonight,” they were all but ready to settle down in their tour bus for the night. What the Eagles did not expect was the dark manila TRAFFIC CITATION envelope perched on the windshield wipers of their tour bus.

Though the Eagles played the halftime show during the Duke vs N.C. State game, it appears their parking wasn’t valid, because they took parking spots away from nebulous donors, families, and the invisible boat mobile.

A chilling audio was obtained from when Eagles’ manager Irving Azoff clicked the need help? button next to the rising arm gate in the Blue Zone. Resident parking citations enforcement, Mr. Eugene Larry, answered the call.

“Hello?” answered Mr. Larry.

"Yes, so my BLU zone parking pass says it's invalid even though we paid the $300 yearly costs in full for only one night?” asked Mr. Azoff.

“Oh, BLU zone parking is only available after 8AM to 5PM but only before 4PM to 9:30 AM every day except the 8th day of the week,” answered Mr. Larry.

“What?” asked Mr. Azoff.

“Thank you for your concern. Is there anything else I can do?” said Mr. Larry.

Citation records later reveal that the Eagle’s tour bus got towed by a C1 as the dialogue between Mr. Larry and Mr. Azoff escalated. Mr. Azoff had been placed in temporary custody after reportedly smashing the monitoring box with his bare hands.

We reached out to the Eagles for comment.

“This place isn’t a Hotel California,” said vocalist and guitarist Glenn Frey, “at least that place could be Heaven.”



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