After watching “MONTERO” video, this heterosexual, women-loving Cru member has faith crisis

DURHAM, NC—Following a mention of the new Lil Nas X music video from his preacher, local cru member Jake had to see what all of the fuss was about.


“Me and my boyfr… ALL THE BOYS—uhhh—ME AND THE BOYS decided to check it out after hearing about about how gay it was. NOO not like good gay—FUCK there is no good gay that’s like a sin, I think. Gay like bad gay like hahaha gay stuff not like cute twink takes 9.7 inch monster big black cock in library or anything...more like ewww expressing unmanly feelings gay.”


He was visibly sweating at this point.


“So yeah no uh we watched it and oh god, I mean, oh dear heavenly father above, it was really bad. Especially the one part where Lil Nas X did that reverse cowgirl into the upside down spread eagle with the 1,2 special…I mean that’s what I overheard it’s called at my favorite gay bar…I mean GYM MY FAVORITE GYM WITH THE BROS. WHERE WE REGULARLY GET HOT AND SWEATY AND oh fuck—”


At this point, the member had a visible erection.


“Uh well so yeah uh me and my boyfr… THE BOYS IN MY VERY REAL FRAT… we do not support the christian intolerance this video promotes. Daddy God has my whole heart, not this immature portrayal of the Devil… no matter how hot he is. NO NO NO HOT LIKE HELL HOT, not like GAY hot… NO NO NO I didn’t mean GAYS are HOT I meant like…”


At this point, the member broke down and was unable to continue.


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