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University builds tent for DKU students after Epworth pipe burst



DURHAM, N.C.— A recent pipe burst in Epworth Residence Hall left dozens of DKU students without a home just days before the start of class. With the University absolutely unable to provide alternative housing options, students were forced to get crafty in finding a place to sleep.


“I’ve been going to first-year help rooms in the physics building and then just never leaving until my 8:30 a.m. the next day” reported a junior who wished to remain anonymous. “Being a CS major has helped with the shower situation, and it’s good to finally be on West Campus, but it’s certainly not ideal.”


With Founder’s Weekend approaching and DKU students threatening to protest, the University was forced to act fast. Early last week, construction began on what President Price described as a “true blue devil home” outside East Campus’s Wall Center for Student Life: a Large White Tent. “Epworth was white and made of shitty wood planks, so we think they probably won’t notice it’s different. Plus, DKU students always complained that it was hard to tent while living on East, and so we’re bringing the tent to them!” 


While Fluke reporters were unable to get in touch with DKU students to hear the excitement over their new home, the Large White Tent faced backlash from current Duke freshmen. “I just don’t get why it has to be like, right outside Marketplace. They don’t even eat there” expressed Trinity resident Caroline Goldberg. Other disgruntled students voiced concerns over how the tent would fare in North Carolina weather conditions, and what DKU even was in the first place.

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