DURHAM, NC—As the seasons turn and the warm winds of summer leave us once more, frats and “seriously guys we’re not a frat”s eagerly squeeze in their last few darties of the semester. Peace and love has always been the motto for Wayne’s annual Waynestock festival, and while freshman are eager to get to lovin’ at any party they can get their grubby little hands on, this SLG (Sorta Like Greek) has made an unprecedented move in the “peace” direction: Vietnam veterans will be getting bands to the 6th annual Waynestock.
Wow. What a great way to honor Waynestock’s roots as an anti-war music festival. It’s hard to doubt Wayne’s commitment to philanthropy after such a humanitarian move. And although they were charged the $15 like everyone else, a Wayne spokesperson announced that 100% of these profits will go directly to Raytheon to help prevent future wars before they even begin.
“Yeah, I honestly wasn’t sure at first, ‘cause like, they’re lowkey old and stuff” said a junior brother pal involved in the decision, “but then we chilled with them at the house and like, damn. Those guys know their way around a bong, ha ha. Super not washed.”
The offer seemingly did not extend to Iraq veterans who showed up to band pickup in WU, as they were awkwardly turned down by a pair of sophomore Art History majors sitting behind a whiteboard table. When pressed about the differential treatment, the Waynelets squirmed in their spinny chairs and muttered “I dunno, that one was weird. That was a weird war. Not the same.” Tough lesson for the Iraq vets – not all sons can be as fortunate as our Vietnam veterans.