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Duke's least accurate

news source. Satire.

Project Wild freshmen instructed not to shower all semester

Project Wild freshmen instructed not to shower all semester

Project Wild freshmen instructed not to shower all semester

DURHAM, NC—Controversy arose last night after a whistleblower leaked secret instructions from Project Wild orientation leaders, telling...

Campus

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Econ major points out that if you were to then you probably could systemize as long as you do and account for that

Econ major points out that if you were to then you probably could systemize as long as you do and account for that

Econ major points out that if you were to then you probably could systemize as long as you do and account for that

Duke students deemed enemies of democracy after revelation that 0% of current undergrads voted in pivotal 2000 election

Duke students deemed enemies of democracy after revelation that 0% of current undergrads voted in pivotal 2000 election

Duke students deemed enemies of democracy after revelation that 0% of current undergrads voted in pivotal 2000 election

White guy with buzzcut and zero self-awareness afraid of people finding out he's Republican

White guy with buzzcut and zero self-awareness afraid of people finding out he's Republican

White guy with buzzcut and zero self-awareness afraid of people finding out he's Republican

Durham

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Greek Life Isn’t Greek?!?! Dismayed Freshmen Spotted in Togas on East Campus

Greek Life Isn’t Greek?!?! Dismayed Freshmen Spotted in Togas on East Campus

Greek Life Isn’t Greek?!?! Dismayed Freshmen Spotted in Togas on East Campus

Lucky girl gets to relive youth by spending 30 minutes covering pimple

Lucky girl gets to relive youth by spending 30 minutes covering pimple

Lucky girl gets to relive youth by spending 30 minutes covering pimple

Freshman ventures to Whole Foods, proud of themselves for bursting Duke bubble

Freshman ventures to Whole Foods, proud of themselves for bursting Duke bubble

Freshman ventures to Whole Foods, proud of themselves for bursting Duke bubble

Social

"I'm Seeing Two of You!" Admits situationship who lost his glasses

"I'm Seeing Two of You!" Admits situationship who lost his glasses

"I'm Seeing Two of You!" Admits situationship who lost his glasses

Get this on video!: Student rides BC Plaza bikes

Get this on video!: Student rides BC Plaza bikes

Get this on video!: Student rides BC Plaza bikes

Progressive! 68% of fraternity members believe same-sex kissing is fine, as long as it’s between two straight girls at one of their parties

Progressive! 68% of fraternity members believe same-sex kissing is fine, as long as it’s between two straight girls at one of their parties

Progressive! 68% of fraternity members believe same-sex kissing is fine, as long as it’s between two straight girls at one of their parties

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Opinion

Op-ed: One of the suspended stairs in WU has a wee crack in it, but I won’t tell you which

Op-ed: One of the suspended stairs in WU has a wee crack in it, but I won’t tell you which

Op-ed: One of the suspended stairs in WU has a wee crack in it, but I won’t tell you which

Op-ed: Is your white friend racist or do you really look like that other guy?

Op-ed: Is your white friend racist or do you really look like that other guy?

Op-ed: Is your white friend racist or do you really look like that other guy?

Op-ed: Sometimes it’s better to pretend it’s Nutella

Op-ed: Sometimes it’s better to pretend it’s Nutella

Op-ed: Sometimes it’s better to pretend it’s Nutella

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Politics

Duke students deemed enemies of democracy after revelation that 0% of current undergrads voted in pivotal 2000 election

Duke students deemed enemies of democracy after revelation that 0% of current undergrads voted in pivotal 2000 election

Duke students deemed enemies of democracy after revelation that 0% of current undergrads voted in pivotal 2000 election

White guy with buzzcut and zero self-awareness afraid of people finding out he's Republican

White guy with buzzcut and zero self-awareness afraid of people finding out he's Republican

White guy with buzzcut and zero self-awareness afraid of people finding out he's Republican

Nope, not touching it: Stuff is probably going down in the Middle East but we’re applying for jobs

Nope, not touching it: Stuff is probably going down in the Middle East but we’re applying for jobs

Nope, not touching it: Stuff is probably going down in the Middle East but we’re applying for jobs

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Sports

Celebrating Duke’s Centennial: The Short History of How Duke’s “Angry and Abstinent” Club Became Today’s Line Monitors

Celebrating Duke’s Centennial: The Short History of How Duke’s “Angry and Abstinent” Club Became Today’s Line Monitors

Celebrating Duke’s Centennial: The Short History of How Duke’s “Angry and Abstinent” Club Became Today’s Line Monitors

MLB Postseason underway, your annoying roommate sucks even more now

MLB Postseason underway, your annoying roommate sucks even more now

MLB Postseason underway, your annoying roommate sucks even more now

Devils deck DJ to be replaced by chapel bell rendition of “Mr. Brightside”

Devils deck DJ to be replaced by chapel bell rendition of “Mr. Brightside”

Devils deck DJ to be replaced by chapel bell rendition of “Mr. Brightside”

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