Ableist scum presses handicapped button to get into WU

DURHAM, NC — As he walked into West Union, Steven Bland (P ‘21) was shocked to see a young, physically able man press the automatic door-opening button to get inside.

“For a moment, I just stood there in shock. What kind of sick person does something like that? I can’t imagine how the disabled community has been handling this,” said Steven. Although Steven has no physical disabilities, he believes that it is his responsibility to spread the truth. “I knew immediately after that people needed to know the truth of the injustice happening just outside our dining hall and just how socially aware I am.”

According to Steven, this isn’t the first incident of aggressive bipedal supremacy on Duke’s campus. He has reportedly witnessed multiple instances of people walking up wheelchair ramps, touching braille signs, and refusing to walk from East to West campus.

Steven suggests, as potential solutions to the issues on campus, “removing all disabled-friendly infrastructure, including buttons and ramps, to ensure they can never be abused again.” He is additionally starting an organization to advocate for these measures called Ableist Shaming Society, or ASS.

On what measures the Duke Administration will take to prevent these instances in the future, Executive Vice President Tallman Trask III promises to “form an investigative committee that will never have transparent meetings and will be followed by years of complete inaction.”