Duke to get rid of West, East campuses



DURHAM, NC—In a recent announcement, Duke administrators announced their plans to move students off of its East and West campuses.


Claiming that many of the buildings are crumbling, poorly built, and not worth the continued investment into their infrastructure, administrators are confident that the best way to proceed is to just destroy everything.


The move follows a decision to relocate students off of Central Campus following similar concerns.


However, there aren’t yet plans regarding where to house students displaced by the destruction of its many campuses. “Access to quality housing for all of our students is, as always, our last concern,” assured Vice President of Student Life Larry Moneta in an email to the Duke community.


Administrators are still deciding how to use the campuses for future purposes, but ensure that they will decide on whatever policy inconveniences undergraduates the most.