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Duke Climate Commitment just Vincent Price turning off lights, putting water bottle in the recycling
PAGE AUDITORIUM—Many have been wondering what exactly Duke’s “Climate Announcement” was about late last week. This reporter has...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 19, 20221 min read
New Five Dollar Deal is just Five Sazón Beans
DURHAM, NC—In response to student complaints about campus dining raising prices for smaller portions, Duke Dining administrators have...
The Fluke News Staff
Sep 30, 20221 min read
Duke to Euthanize the Ugly Lemurs
DURHAM, NC—On Monday night, Duke Lemur Center Executive Director Greg Dye announced plans to euthanize the ugly lemurs, citing concerns...
The Fluke News Staff
Sep 30, 20221 min read
C1 Bus Driver Executes Student Sipping Coffee: "They should have read the sign"
WEST CAMPUS BUS LOOP—As sophomore Josh Hinston sipped his Beyu Blue coffee and scrolled mindlessly on Tik Tok, he became confused when...
The Fluke News Staff
Sep 8, 20221 min read
The Fluke News Staff
Sep 5, 20220 min read
"Omg LDOC is on 4/20" says girl who snitched on her roommate for smoking weed
DURHAM, NC—As the end of the semester approaches, excitement for LDOC is growing on campus. The all-day party hasn’t truly happened in...
The Fluke News Staff
Apr 20, 20221 min read
Oops! Someone's getting weeded out by a weed-out class!
BIOLOGICAL SCIENCES BUILDING—It was a quiet morning in BioSci 123. The hallowed halls echoed with the sound of 120 sleep-deprived,...
The Fluke News Staff
Apr 13, 20221 min read
Mask mandate reinstated for ugly people
DURHAM, N.C.—Controversy arose on campus yesterday as Duke Administration announced that they would be reinstating the recently ended...
The Fluke News Staff
Apr 11, 20221 min read
“If you liked the tour my name is David, if not, my name is Matt,” says tour guide with amnesia
DURHAM, NC—As visitors stood and laughed at the classic joke, tour guide Jerry Eastman (Trinity ‘23) stared in confusion at the chuckling...
The Fluke News Staff
Apr 11, 20221 min read
"Wow, I thought duke was an Ivy!" says real prospective student, definitely not a paid actor
DURHAM, NC—“Wow! I cannot believe Duke isn’t an Ivy! It just looks and feels so much like Princeton,” whispered Ethan Morgenstein in a...
The Fluke News Staff
Apr 11, 20221 min read
The Fluke News Staff
Apr 10, 20220 min read
Kilgo Laundry Thief and Few Arsonist overshadowed by more terrifying Edens Toe Tickler
DURHAM, NC—Although the fear and isolation of the Covid-19 pandemic have ended for the majority of campus, the same cannot be said for...
The Fluke News Staff
Apr 7, 20221 min read
Irresponsibly selfish psychopath requests stop on C1
C1 BUS, CAMPUS DRIVE—This morning, at 8:17 a.m., an atrocious tragedy occurred. Onlookers were shocked as the unthinkable occured as the...
The Fluke News Staff
Apr 7, 20221 min read
Duke raises tuition to provide every puppy kindergartener with a brand new iPad
DURHAM, N.C.—Looks like it’ll be time to play “Poodle Jump” and “Angry Barks” for some of our favorite campus canines! This week, every...
The Fluke News Staff
Apr 7, 20221 min read
The Fluke News Staff
Apr 6, 20220 min read
Duke graduate programs earn top marks in US News Rankings
DURHAM, NC—The US News and World Report has just come out with new rankings of the country’s top graduate programs, and Duke scored well....
The Fluke News Staff
Apr 1, 20221 min read
The Fluke News Staff
Mar 21, 20220 min read
Breaking: My colorblind lab partner messed up our titration
DURHAM, NC - While many Duke students arrive on campus in search of romantic chemistry, other students, especially those who identify...
The Fluke News Staff
Mar 14, 20221 min read
Kilgo laundry thief caught, revealed to be little people living in the walls
DURHAM, N.C.—Months of rumors and accusations can finally be put to rest after the true source of Kilgo’s laundry robberies was...
The Fluke News Staff
Mar 3, 20221 min read
Fluke endorses Dilbert Anchovy for DSG President
DUKE UNIVERSITY—In recognition of its cherished and crucial role as the voice of the people, The Fluke has decided to officially endorse...
The Fluke News Staff
Feb 28, 20222 min read
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