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Student accepted to Duke gets to feel smart for the last time
(AN HOUR FROM) CHICAGO, IL—Evanston high school senior Lily Kramer reported being extremely excited at her recent acceptance to Duke,...

The Fluke News Staff
Apr 3, 20211 min read


Duke’s student COVID-19 positives drop for second week in a row
DUKE UNIVERSITY, NC—COVID-19 positives have declined for the second week on Duke University’s campus. Out of 21,943 tests, 25 students...

The Fluke News Staff
Mar 31, 20211 min read


Duke to allow off-campus students to attend in-person graduation
DURHAM, NC—Duke is allowing all seniors, regardless of if they are currently in the surveillance testing system, to attend in-person...

The Fluke News Staff
Mar 31, 20211 min read


Breaking: Freed Suez Canal ship heads to Georgia for next voter blocking bill
ATLANTA,GA—Inspired by the Evergreen ship’s ability to block the free flow of goods at the Suez Canal for days, the Georgian State...

The Fluke News Staff
Mar 30, 20211 min read


Cody Ko does Duke Q&A, realizes we’re all fucking losers
DURHAM, NC—This past week, YouTuber and Duke Alum Cody Ko eagerly joined a DUU-led Q&A with the Duke student body. Unfortunately, that...

The Fluke News Staff
Mar 30, 20211 min read


After watching “MONTERO” video, this heterosexual, women-loving Cru member has faith crisis
DURHAM, NC—Following a mention of the new Lil Nas X music video from his preacher, local cru member Jake had to see what all of the fuss...

The Fluke News Staff
Mar 30, 20211 min read


Walk down memory lane: Professor makes same joke for the 12th time this semester
ZOOM—Last Friday, Duke mathematics professor Gregson George opened his zoom lecture by saying, “Aaaah! Aah! Where did my body go?” in...

The Fluke News Staff
Mar 28, 20212 min read


Duke Admin: “Everyone is entitled to their own racist opinions.”
BROWN RESIDENCE HALL—Duke is investigating an incident in the East Campus dormitory that blindsided the administration due to the...

The Fluke News Staff
Mar 26, 20212 min read


Nobel laureate reduced to begging 20 year old students to turn their cameras on in Zoom lecture
DURHAM, NC—Renowned professor, James McCown, was once awarded the Nobel Prize in Economics for discovering the sine curve of relative...

The Fluke News Staff
Mar 24, 20211 min read


Viewer weeps at beauty of Snapchat story featuring WU at night
DURHAM, NC—Arnold McCullum, a first-year student at Duke, remembers the first time he saw the Brodhead Center, colloquially and...

The Fluke News Staff
Mar 22, 20211 min read


BREAKING: The shelter-in-place order is all one big pledge task
EAST CAMPUS—Just when the brothers of East Campus thought that their pledging process was finished, Duke announced an exciting new task:...

The Fluke News Staff
Mar 14, 20211 min read


Trump alludes to a third run—The Fluke predicts his mile time
ORLANDO, FL—In his first public remarks since moving to Florida, Trump spoke at the annual Conservative Political Action Conference. The...

The Fluke News Staff
Mar 9, 20212 min read


Sad: Despite multiple Girlboss in STEM clubs, girl still failing math class she’s already taken
EDENS 2C—Despite Duke’s best efforts to support women in STEM with the creation of 39 new Girlboss in STEM clubs, freshman Marisa Hoffman...

The Fluke News Staff
Mar 6, 20211 min read


Op-ed: My opinion on why we’re too politically divided is unique and deserves a biweekly column
Durham, NC—In a world that claims to be more tolerant than ever, as an Anarcho-Libertarian at Duke, I have never felt more...

The Fluke News Staff
Mar 6, 20211 min read


Things are going too well: A quick guide to self-sabotage
Okay, imagine this. You’re chilling on TikTok and suddenly, you sense it. Something’s different. Something’s… wrong? Let me let you in on...

The Fluke News Staff
Feb 25, 20212 min read


Trump acquitted—Officially as innocent as OJ!
WASHINGTON, D.C.—With a 57 to 43 vote, the US Senate failed to convict Trump, making the former president officially as innocent as OJ...

The Fluke News Staff
Feb 23, 20211 min read


Philosophy major wayyyy too talkative in bed
DURHAM, NC—After a casual hookup in a twin bed with blue plaid sheets listening to a man compare the female orgasm to Plato’s The...

The Fluke News Staff
Feb 14, 20211 min read


In honor of Black History Month, sororities' rush themes to include "hip-hop" and "ACAB" days
HOLLOWS A—A sorority sister wearing a “Systemic racism sucks” shirt and earrings reading “White solidarity” opens the door as “Sicko...

The Fluke News Staff
Feb 14, 20212 min read


Greek life asks all rushees to use "tú" in place of "usted" during informal rush
DURHAM, NC — This week, the Fluke News obtained an email sent out to male-identifying freshmen and sophomores about Greek Life’s informal...

The Fluke News Staff
Feb 14, 20212 min read


BREAKING: Contact tracer loses job because you don’t have any friends. Loser.
DURHAM, NC—Despite a rise in Covid cases, contact tracer Jim Mahomes was let go last week after not being able to find a single person...

The Fluke News Staff
Feb 9, 20211 min read
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