The Fluke News

Duke's least accurate

news source. Satire.

  • Instagram
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Home

  • All News

  • Campus

  • Durham

  • Social

  • Opinion

  • Politics

  • Sports

  • About

  • The Fluke News Staff

  • Join our Team

  • Contact

  • More

    Use tab to navigate through the menu items.
    • White Instagram Icon
    • All Posts
    • Sports
    • Opinion
    • Social
    • Campus
    • Durham
    • Politics
    Search
    Local police department celebrates Pride Month in style with rainbow-colored tear gas
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Jun 16, 2021
    • 1 min

    Local police department celebrates Pride Month in style with rainbow-colored tear gas

    ST. LOUIS—In honor of Pride Month, the St. Louis Metropolitan Police Department has announced its commitment to be more progressive in...
    0 comments
    New basketball coach with stutter under fire for praising legacy of “Coach KKK”
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Jun 2, 2021
    • 1 min

    New basketball coach with stutter under fire for praising legacy of “Coach KKK”

    DUKE UNIVERSITY—Following the bombshell announcement of Coach K’s retirement after a legendary 40+ year career, new Head Coach Jon...
    0 comments
    ROTC studying Chinese "for the culture"
    The Fluke News Staff
    • May 10, 2021
    • 1 min

    ROTC studying Chinese "for the culture"

    TRENT HALL—Robert Kaplan, a Trinity junior in Army ROTC, is reportedly excited to take Chinese 305 solely “for the culture.” Kaplan, who...
    0 comments
    Man frantically puts socks on choking friend’s feet before giving him mouth-to-mouth
    The Fluke News Staff
    • May 10, 2021
    • 1 min

    Man frantically puts socks on choking friend’s feet before giving him mouth-to-mouth

    DURHAM,NC—What could’ve been a tragic event for Michael Whitney last Wednesday night was luckily stopped short by his friend and roommate...
    0 comments
    Girl confused how guy doesn't see her subtle Spotify hints that she's in love with him
    The Fluke News Staff
    • May 10, 2021
    • 2 min

    Girl confused how guy doesn't see her subtle Spotify hints that she's in love with him

    Every day, I spend a few hours designing new playlists with subtle yet cryptic titles, such as “April Loving” or “We Met at the Beach” or...
    0 comments
    Dear Fluke: Am I bisexual or do I just really want to be?
    The Fluke News Staff
    • May 10, 2021
    • 1 min

    Dear Fluke: Am I bisexual or do I just really want to be?

    Dear Fluke, I’m a 19 year old, single, female-identifying college student with no kids. I’ve been dating around and have been official...
    0 comments
    "I don’t have the time," says girl who spends 30 hours a week on TikTok
    The Fluke News Staff
    • May 10, 2021
    • 1 min

    "I don’t have the time," says girl who spends 30 hours a week on TikTok

    DURHAM, NC—Imagine this: After what was meant to be a few minutes of Tik-Tok fun time, the sun sets...things get dark...and you’ve...
    0 comments
    Student accidentally Pavlovs herself into asking “Did we go to breakout rooms” whenever she wakes up
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Apr 21, 2021
    • 1 min

    Student accidentally Pavlovs herself into asking “Did we go to breakout rooms” whenever she wakes up

    EDENS 2C—After a long and hard semester, Trinity sophomore Lauren Choy has accidentally conditioned herself into asking “Oh shit are we...
    0 comments
    DUPD instructed to use "deadly force" against people who step outside of circles on the lawn
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Apr 21, 2021
    • 1 min

    DUPD instructed to use "deadly force" against people who step outside of circles on the lawn

    DURHAM, NC—In response to the tens of students who thought it would be appropriate to sit outside masked on a 70º day, the Duke...
    0 comments
    Rapper Flo Centi knew she should have dreamed bigger with her name
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Apr 18, 2021
    • 1 min

    Rapper Flo Centi knew she should have dreamed bigger with her name

    Staring wistfully out the window in her Atlanta home, local rapper Flo Centi sighed deeply as she placed her head into her hands. “I knew...
    0 comments
    “Engineering teaches you how to problem solve,” says Pratt star with no work experience
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Apr 18, 2021
    • 1 min

    “Engineering teaches you how to problem solve,” says Pratt star with no work experience

    DURHAM, NC—When asked why he chose to major in engineering, student Dick Basmati said “I wanted a major that actually teaches you how to...
    0 comments
    An open letter to men studying Compsci: Golden showers don't count
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Apr 18, 2021
    • 1 min

    An open letter to men studying Compsci: Golden showers don't count

    BRYAN CENTER—To the men at Duke studying Computer Science: this is a letter of love. I have infinite respect for the men in both Trinity...
    0 comments
    How to use dating apps when you hate any photo a man chooses of himself
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Apr 18, 2021
    • 1 min

    How to use dating apps when you hate any photo a man chooses of himself

    DURHAM, NC—Have you seen too many pictures that are more fish than man? Are you starting to think cargo pants might not be so bad? Do you...
    0 comments
    "Biden is not healthy enough to be president," says guy who doesn't believe in getting vaccinated
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Apr 13, 2021
    • 1 min

    "Biden is not healthy enough to be president," says guy who doesn't believe in getting vaccinated

    WEST UNION—After viewing a video of Joe Biden falling down the steps of Air Force One sophomore John Russell bravely stated his belief...
    0 comments
    J&J vaccine rollout paused after revealed to be just “No Tear, 2 in 1 Baby Shampoo and Conditioner”
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Apr 13, 2021
    • 1 min

    J&J vaccine rollout paused after revealed to be just “No Tear, 2 in 1 Baby Shampoo and Conditioner”

    J&J HEADQUARTERS—The Fluke was recently able to receive special permission to visit one of the Johnson and Johnson vaccine factories. Our...
    0 comments
    Admitted students, choose Duke! We have the best basketb—never mind
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Apr 6, 2021
    • 1 min

    Admitted students, choose Duke! We have the best basketb—never mind

    Well maybe not this year, but at least we are a top 10 univers—never mind. Screw the rankings, everyone knows they’re just elitist...
    0 comments
    Wilson gym admin announces new policy for no-shows: Death
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Apr 3, 2021
    • 1 min

    Wilson gym admin announces new policy for no-shows: Death

    DURHAM, NC—As the semester comes to a close, Wilson gym has announced a new policy for gym-goers who do not show up to their...
    0 comments
    Guy with stolen dorm items carefully placed in zoom frame definitely fucks
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Apr 3, 2021
    • 1 min

    Guy with stolen dorm items carefully placed in zoom frame definitely fucks

    Durham, NC—Last night, Duke freshman Peter McFeaver was arrested and escorted out of Edens. McFeaver reportedly left a Duke traffic cone...
    0 comments
    Student accepted to Duke gets to feel smart for the last time
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Apr 3, 2021
    • 1 min

    Student accepted to Duke gets to feel smart for the last time

    (AN HOUR FROM) CHICAGO, IL—Evanston high school senior Lily Kramer reported being extremely excited at her recent acceptance to Duke,...
    0 comments
    Duke’s student COVID-19 positives drop for second week in a row
    The Fluke News Staff
    • Apr 1, 2021
    • 1 min

    Duke’s student COVID-19 positives drop for second week in a row

    DUKE UNIVERSITY, NC—COVID-19 positives have declined for the second week on Duke University’s campus. Out of 21,943 tests, 25 students...
    0 comments
    34
    5
    67

    The Fluke News

    About Us
    The Fluke News Staff
    Join Our Team
    Contact Us