Ever since I locked eyes with my fair Juliet on the throbbing dance floor of Shooters, kissed her sweet vodka-scented lips in an ecstasy...

DURHAM, N.C.—Confusion erupted among students this Tuesday following an unorthodox subversion of social norms by Tina Roberts (P ‘23) in...

TARTARUS, HELL—Glarkkon the Devourer, an eons-long resident of the Endless Abyss, is hyped for the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament after...

DURHAM, N.C.—These invasive tour group miscreants are bringing their pervasive vitality and youth with them when they visit, and I don’t...

DUKE UNIVERSITY— As Burg Erkin (Pratt ‘26) sat down to take his Physics 151 midterm, he reports he heard the sound of funky grooves and a...

WASHINGTON, D.C—“It’s really not so bad,” former President Donald Trump bravely asserts as his electric shock collar is activated by...

Last night, as I was laying in my bed, three feet from my roommate Josh Kolowski, I had the most horrifying realization: I had been...

DURHAM, N.C.—Emboldened by the success of labor movements nationwide, students in Duke’s Puppy Kindergarten have taken the first step...

WASHINGTON, D.C—Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA.) handcuffed herself to the flagpole atop the U.S. Capitol building earlier this...

DURHAM, N.C—By all accounts, Jonathan Fields (T ’24) is an active and enthusiastic participant in Duke’s Human Rights Advocacy course,...

DURHAM, NC – We are heartbroken to report the passing of Duke Student Gilbert Lozaklo (Trinity ‘24). We commemorate Gilbert as a driven...

DUKE UNIVERSITY—Foreman George Grylls reported to Duke Facilities Management staff that the B.T.P. (short for the ‘Big Three’ Pipeline)...

DURHAM, NC — Chaos has broken out within Duke’s premiere uncanny resemblance student organization after the true identity of President...

DURHAM, N.C.—Duke’s Cesarean Society held their annual protest against vaginal births this past weekend. The student...

WILSON GYM—Corporate America is tough, and as James (T’26) walks into Wilson to clock in for his self-proclaimed “eight-hour leg day” he...

WASHINGTON—California Senator Dianne Feinstein, best known for being wheeled around and propped up during Senate votes–as well as her...

DURHAM, NC—The Duke Curling team achieved a perfect perm at their competition this past weekend, securing their win over Charlotte’s...

CAMERON INDOOR STADIUM—Humiliation has been the name of the game for teams daring to make the trip to K-Ville this season, with the Duke...

PENN PAVILION—As acclaimed American Rock band the Eagles electrified Duke’s student body with an encore of “Heartache Tonight,” they...

DURHAM, N.C.—In politics, there are always disappointments. While the dust is still settling from the recent DSG elections, a major group...