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Op-ed: Am I toxic for chasing tour groups with sticks?
DURHAM, N.C.—These invasive tour group miscreants are bringing their pervasive vitality and youth with them when they visit, and I don’t...

The Fluke News Staff
Jan 18, 20241 min read


Students haunted by Burger King "Whopper” commercial during midterms
DUKE UNIVERSITY— As Burg Erkin (Pratt ‘26) sat down to take his Physics 151 midterm, he reports he heard the sound of funky grooves and a...

The Fluke News Staff
Jan 18, 20241 min read


Labradors from Duke Puppy Kindergarten unionize, cite 90-hour work weeks and not enough chew toys
DURHAM, N.C.—Emboldened by the success of labor movements nationwide, students in Duke’s Puppy Kindergarten have taken the first step...

The Fluke News Staff
Nov 7, 20231 min read


Aww! Guy in ethics class will order drone strikes one day
DURHAM, N.C—By all accounts, Jonathan Fields (T ’24) is an active and enthusiastic participant in Duke’s Human Rights Advocacy course,...

The Fluke News Staff
Nov 7, 20231 min read


Student drinks from water fountain with red filter, dies
DURHAM, NC – We are heartbroken to report the passing of Duke Student Gilbert Lozaklo (Trinity ‘24). We commemorate Gilbert as a driven...

The Fluke News Staff
Nov 7, 20232 min read


Construction on literal consulting pipeline in Abele Quad nearing completion
DUKE UNIVERSITY—Foreman George Grylls reported to Duke Facilities Management staff that the B.T.P. (short for the ‘Big Three’ Pipeline)...

The Fluke News Staff
Oct 26, 20231 min read


Duke lookalikes club disbands after no one can tell who the real president is
DURHAM, NC — Chaos has broken out within Duke’s premiere uncanny resemblance student organization after the true identity of President...

The Fluke News Staff
Oct 25, 20232 min read


Duke Curling Achieves Perfect Perm
DURHAM, NC—The Duke Curling team achieved a perfect perm at their competition this past weekend, securing their win over Charlotte’s...

The Fluke News Staff
Apr 4, 20231 min read


“You Can Go But You Can Never Leave,” say the Eagles on parking in Blue Zone
PENN PAVILION—As acclaimed American Rock band the Eagles electrified Duke’s student body with an encore of “Heartache Tonight,” they...

The Fluke News Staff
Apr 4, 20231 min read


“Like Trump all over again:” After Chase Barclay loss, campus Gingers scared for the future
DURHAM, N.C.—In politics, there are always disappointments. While the dust is still settling from the recent DSG elections, a major group...

The Fluke News Staff
Apr 4, 20231 min read


The Tell-Tale Gill: Duke Gardens employee haunted by spirit of murdered Koi fish
DURHAM, NC—Duke Gardens caretakers report feeling as though “20 fishy eyes” are constantly watching them in the weeks following the...

The Fluke News Staff
Apr 4, 20231 min read


Following spree of food poisonings, Il Forno renamed to ILL Forno
DURHAM, NC—Upon returning to campus after Spring Break, students were greeted with the same familiar overpriced Italian cuisine, now...

The Fluke News Staff
Apr 4, 20231 min read


Study finds average Duke student 83% more morally questionable than advertised in their Common App
DURHAM, NC—Duke sociologists released the results of a study focusing on the morals of the university’s undergraduate population....

The Fluke News Staff
Apr 4, 20231 min read


“I’ve come a long way:” student reflects on victory in ejaculation competition.
DURHAM, NC—There exist various activities through which young men on Duke’s campus get to loosen the pressure valve on their pent-up...

The Fluke News Staff
Apr 4, 20232 min read


Insidious Marketplace Blueberry leads to great 48 hour struggle
EAST CAMPUS—After eating a seemingly normal breakfast, an unsuspecting first-year student experienced a grueling 2 day ordeal as a result...

The Fluke News Staff
Mar 28, 20231 min read


HRL reveals Hollows named after how students are supposed to feel at Duke
DURHAM, NC—Following the 5th sinkhole-related death in 300 Swift this academic year, Duke HRL has moved on from the years-long project of...

The Fluke News Staff
Mar 9, 20231 min read


Duke introduces new McKinsey major to streamline consulting pipeline
DURHAM, NC—Trinity College of Arts & Sciences has announced that it will be offering a McKinsey Concentration under the newly-created...

The Fluke News Staff
Mar 9, 20231 min read


Duke Engage changes name to Duke Marriage Pact to get more submissions
DURHAM, N.C.—As Valentine’s Day drew closer, DukeEngage director Frelinda Mench found herself receiving dozens of confusing emails. “At...

The Fluke News Staff
Mar 7, 20232 min read


Duke ecologists declare philosophy majors to be endangered
DURHAM, NC—When observing the health of an ecosystem, researchers look for an indicator species, any organism that, for whatever reason,...

The Fluke News Staff
Mar 7, 20231 min read


Mysterious Squirrel Attacks linked to ADPhi Rabies Outbreak
DURHAM, NC––The shrieks of squirrels and students alike have recently echoed through Abele Quad at night, and Duke University Hospital...

The Fluke News Staff
Mar 7, 20231 min read
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