DURHAM, NC––In an effort to fundraise for the 2024 midterm, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi promised to reveal a “teensy bit” of...

DURHAM, NC––In a stunning move, following the recommendation of a university equity committee and President Vincent E. Price, Duke...

AUSTIN, Texas—Elon Musk proved the haters wrong once again by showing just how safe Tesla Cybertrucks are. After locating the perfect...

THE BARN—Fluke Investigative contributor Cameron Jruikshonk met with one of the top Duke Forces, Mr. Eugene Forty, in this special...

DURHAM, NC—It is once again that time of year; despite Duke’s best efforts, fraternities and sororities have successfully executed spring...

BRODHEAD CENTER—Pathetic little ratperson Cam Emerson (Trinity ‘25) sat alone outside Il Forno eating their soggy Sazon bowl for almost...

DURHAM, NC –– We’ve all met him. That impeccably dressed, dark-haired stud. His presence smells like the cigarette and croissant he had...

DURHAM, N.C.––When Vincent Price entered the Allen Building basement one Tuesday night, he didn’t expect to be greeted by a crowd of...

Hear me out, y’all. Before you open Twitter and cancel me off the face of the Earth, I am not attacking Emotional Support Animals or...

DURHAM, NC—Thanks to the gallant efforts of Duke’s American Grand Strategy heroes this past weekend, Durham is saved. Durham residents...

MAR-A-LAGO, FL—After carelessly rushing to file his FEC paperwork, former President Donald Trump accidentally registered his campaign for...

INDIANAPOLIS, IN—In the Kansas-Duke matchup at the Champions Classic, Kansas freshman Gradey Dick dominated Duke’s defense, pounding the...

DURHAM, NC––In this year’s highly anticipated “Countdown to Craziness” exhibition match, Duke overcame the odds to beat the rival Duke...

DURHAM, NC—Every restaurant in the Brodhead Center has unanimously voted to double prices in response to national inflation rates—just...

LAS VEGAS, NV—Two weeks after shoving a cameraman to the ground at the end of a bitter last-second loss to the Kansas City Chiefs,...

DOWNING STREET, LONDON—As Liz Truss descended the stairs of 10 Downing Street this morning, a large bird, most likely a very brave...

DURHAM, NC—Duke’s a capella groups are known for their jaunty demeanors, out-of-date medleys, and now, attempted murder. The “Note Takers...

THE SAZÓN LINE—Frustrated because you’re not getting enough maduros at Sazón? According to a recent study, you may need to get on the...

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—After years of perfect investments, Paul Pelosi has been named Fuqua’s next James B. Duke Professor of Finance. Pelosi...

ASHEVILLE, NC—Hotboxes and dispensaries erupted with glee earlier today at the news that Ted Budd, Republican candidate for the North...